


Hearts Beyond Reach

by Kami_no_Koe



Category: Hirakari, Karneval
Genre: Emotional Hurt, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance, Solitary Confinement
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-04
Updated: 2015-10-04
Packaged: 2018-04-24 18:06:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4929805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kami_no_Koe/pseuds/Kami_no_Koe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thanks to Hirato suggesting a new security protocol to Executive Tower, - which he put forward behind Akari's back - , Akari is confined to his own suite with guards outside his door. He isn't allowed to leave his quarters, or make rounds through Research Tower and even his food is tested for poison.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Intro:  
> This is a small story, inspired by a drabble from Azii's blog at thumbr showing the possible outcome of a really difficult situation after Hirato committed a deal-breaker! (this word is owned by Azii!)^^ There will be some more chapters. As I usually write slowly, I thought of posting it in tiny bits rather than posting nothing at all.  
> Also, this is the first fanfic I'm posting, the first in English, anyway. English is not my native language, so I'm sorry if it somehow sounds unnatural or if there are many mistakes. Be (not) kind! I'm happy about any comment and always open to criticism, especially if you see language/grammatical errors (your hints would be very valuable to me, for my learning process and also to help me to sound more natural). Also comments encourage me to find the motivation to write on, if I know somebody wants to read my folks^^. 
> 
> I have another Hirakari which I tried publishing first, but got stuck somehow... so I wrote this for a change^^...

**The Story So Far:**

_Thanks to Hirato suggesting a new security protocol to Executive Tower - which he put forward behind Akari's back -  Akari is confined to his own suite with guards outside his door. He isn't allowed to leave his quarters, nor make rounds through Research Tower and even his food is tested for poison._

_When the scientist finds out that the whole plan was Hirato's idea, he feels more than deceived. Not only is he_ _becoming all the more aware of the invisible bars of his glass prison moving in closer, leaving him no space to breathe. But also is he being treated like property by the one person who should know better, the one who has always understood and respected all the features of his human side. This is what he most loved in the other man, after all._

_While Hirato thinks he's only protecting his lover - not realising he's committing a severe deal-breaker - Akari's trust in their relationship is shattered to the core. With stealing the things Akari craves most (and he of all people should have known), he’s not feeling loved but caged. He ends their liaison and this time nothing can persuade him into forgiving. ..._

 

* * *

 

It had been a week.

Seven days since Executive Tower had validated the emergency protocol – put forward by Hirato. Designed for the safety of SSS‑ranked personnel in times of a war.

A week since the talented researcher had been "under protection" in his own suite. A week… since he ended their relationship for good,  _just like that_ (or so Hirato thought _)_. Ever since his brain had been a permanent mess between reason, anger and self-hatred.

It was not the first time that his job had come between them. Moreover, as the commander of Circus 2nd Ship, Hirato carried a great deal of responsibility for his subordinates who were like children to him. That being said, he was used to issuing quick, clear-cut orders and going to the offensive to prevent casualties. Life-saving decisions to be made in the blink of an eye were his daily routine. So he didn't even hesitate when stating his recommendations concerning the scientist's personal safety.  _Was I that wrong?_  Given that he was drawn into warfare planning right after and perilous missions awaited his team, he was no longer able to guard Akari in person, and there were limitations as to which degree he trusted others. There was no doubt that his decision was obviously the most reasonable one.  _Arrogance_ …

It was not only his job to keep him safe, but also would he never have forgiven himself should something happen to him as a consequence of his negligence in the course of this war. And that's what it was, the other man just didn't want to see it. They were at war and Akari was right in the middle of it, presenting himself at the front lines! For what? Research Tower had become a vulnerable place and their enemies who happened to have spies everywhere, were after Akari's latest achievements, which in itself posed a personal threat to the doctor. If this weren’t enough, Akari was the only person who knew all significant details of those experiments. Co-Workers and assistants, in many cases, didn’t even know exactly what they had been working on. If he didn’t knew it better, he would have thought Akari had wanted to shield his team from the beginning as he was perfectly aware of what they were touching on.  So, his selflessness (or recklessness) had made him a major target. It should be added that the stubborn scientist had even refused to wear a weapon and bullet-proof vest at all times at work, which was laid down as a condition.  _As if mocking me!_

He had been prepared that Akari would most probably not be exactly fond of the idea. But at that moment, the commander's mind was working perfectly target-oriented, more so than ever before, blocking out anything but the most important factor at hand, which was Akari's life, after all. All conversations with his lover ever since had gone terribly wrong. His newest suit was drenched in coffee as a result of the scientist's most recent outbreak of temper and his cheek was slightly reddened after his physical attempts to reconcile earned him a resounding slap. Never had he experienced the other man as cold and unapproachable as this before.

After almost 24 incredibly consuming hours without sleep, he sat upright on the couch in his control room, his mind wrecked with tension. His left hand was holding a glass of Scotch while his eyes were peering outside through the large windows at the stunningly beautiful night-sky stretching before him. Considering the major conflicts coming up, it was almost too quiet and peaceful out there. There was no time to regret his decisions or to cry about lost love right now, he knew, this wasn't about him. As long as Akari was safe, he'd endure anything.

 _I have to try talk to him again,_  he thought and at the same time, felt his heart weighing heavy in his chest.

 

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the next Chapter, Hirato will visit Akari! Good Luck to him! Btw, I haven't made up my mind yet, if there is to be a reconciliation at all.. So let's see...


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I really haven't planned out anything about that story, so I write just the way it comes…. please enjoy Chapter 2:

# Chapter 2

* * *

 

It was the evening of the 8th day when Hirato returned from a mission he'd executed together with Tsukitachi and Jiki alone. Not only did they succeed in deciphering Kafka's latest attacking schemes and were therefore temporarily on the advantage, but also could he escape tonight's debriefing, in which subsequent steps were discussed with his superiors at Round Table. The captain gave them a shortened version of all the things he'd already talked over twice with his team and dumped all resulting paperwork on poor Tsukitachi and Jiki on his way out.

 _I guess I owe them one._  He smiled in spite of himself when he was walking through the long hallways of Research Tower at a rapid pace. He caught sight of the two nurses who had been appointed by Tokitatsu to service Akari on his way. Apparently, they were bringing back the dishes from dinner.

"Hirato-san", they greeted him with beaming faces and saccharine smiles. "How are you today? Have you been on a mission?”  

"Good evening." The captain bowed in front of them as was his wont.

“You must be exhausted. Would you like to eat something?" In a flirtatious gesture, the beautiful blonde nurse was twirling a hair strand between her fingers.

Research Tower harboured excellent cooks who prepared dishes from all over the world on request and when Hirato found the time, he sometimes had lunch or dinner there with Tsukitachi in between their visits, much to the joy and entertainment of the nurses and the indignation of a certain someone not joining their “farce”. The researcher always scolded him for contaminating the atmosphere around his staff, and accused him of teasing him just for his own pleasure.

What he didn’t know was that the captain was just trying to get his attention in the hope of getting the other man to spend some time with him in private instead.

But this time, the brunette couldn’t care less about dining. Nonetheless, he returned a rapt smile that once again didn’t fail to enchant his fangirls. "Thank you for your kind attention, ladies, but I'm not feeling hungry right now. Are these leftovers from Akari-san’s dinner?" he asked peering at the plates with closed lids on them.

"Well… actually, …." the other nurse answered with an apologising look on her face.

“He didn’t touch anything again, am I right?”

"We're really sorry…"

"I see. It's not your fault. Thank you." With a short nod, Hirato headed towards the elevator. "Have a nice evening, Hirato‑san!" the nurses waved at him and turned around chattering.

No doubt, there were quite some rumours going on at both of their working places and part of the personnel surely suspected something. But they always tried to keep their love affair as a secret and went to great lengths for it to remain like this. It was beyond debate that they’d be – to put it mildly -  in quite some trouble if their superiors ever found about it. Not to mention if their enemies did. However, all of this didn’t matter any longer if their interactions would cease…

Akari had been refusing his meals for almost a week now, having no more than a few cups of coffee in the mornings and Hirato didn’t even know if he actually ate on a daily basis. The last time he saw his lover, his face had been horrendously pale.

 _Why are you doing this to me?_  Hirato leant against the elevator's handrail closing his eyes for a moment.  _Was it a bad idea to come here again_ _? He hates me now, after all._  Except for his worries and his desire to talk to the Blonde, Hirato couldn’t think of an acceptable excuse for showing up. He could no longer lie to himself about the argument that he did accept their break-up.  _He didn’t._  He knew Akari meant it, when he saw that firm look in unwavering rubies - cold, unyielding….

But still, with his mind being occupied by Circus' next moves against their enemy force and the responsibilities he had to shoulder on top of that, he wasn't able to deal with this myriad of feelings that were constantly knocking at his façade. Part of him was angry and grievously offended at how his this hothead had outright refused to even try to understand him.

Underneath this all, however, he deeply cared for Akari, more than he could ever admit to anyone. And he truly respected all of the other man’s sentiments and needs, but…

_I just can't stay away, right now._

 

* * *

 

 

“Akari?" he closed the door behind him and took a few steps inside the researcher's suite. Not a sound was to be heard, almost as if there was no one residing in here at all. Nothing seemed de‑arranged, most like a freshly-furnished apartment. Indeed, the confirmed late-night workaholic was nowhere to be found.

 _He couldn't have gone anywhere obviously._  The bathroom door stood ajar, a towel hanging outside but the lights were switched off, indicating the room wasn’t occupied anymore.  

 _It's so unusually quiet …,_  he thought when proceeding further through Akari's quarters until his gaze focussed on his bedroom door. Quietly, he moved forward hesitating for a few seconds. His fingers gently tapped against the wood before he called out to the Blonde. “Akari.”

When there was no answer, he gave a sigh of resignation and decided to make sure the other man was okay and hadn’t already fainted due to his stubbornness. He pushed down the handle, only to find that Akari had obviously locked himself in. _Damn!_ _He can’t be serious!_

Analysing the situation, he pressed his forehead against the door and listened for any signs of life coming from the inside before he eventually whispered the other’s name once more. "Akari?"

"You're in there, right?" he said a little louder, but yet again nothing but silence greeted him.

A twinge of panic seized him, crawling up his spine and having all his instincts on high alert, ready for immediate action.  Being an expert spy, he quickly regained control over his gruesome fantasies following the most reasonable clues.

"Listen, if you don't give me so much as a life sign, I'll have to make my way in by other means." He waited. And just when he tried to persuade himself that the Blonde must be sleeping, a tired voice responded to him.

"Where's the problem, keeper? … shouldn’t you have the keys to your captive's cage."

Hirato sighed with relief at hearing this weak but still defiant voice that obviously had enough fire left in it to provoke. He rested his back against the door, his eyes closed for just a moment to release some tension.

"I won't come inside",  he eventually confirmed, as if to mitigate the effect of his former threats to batter in the door.  

Silence fell again, though Hirato could swear he just barely heard a faint grumble.

"Why did you lock yourself in?" He couldn't help himself asking, but soon felt the weight of the stifling atmosphere this interrogation was creating between them. 

"Isn't it obvious?"  _Surely, it was…_

"I know,… you don't want to see m-."

"Then why the hell did you come?" Akari's icy-cold voice sliced through the air.

"No, just save your breath and listen! I can't see you, right now, got it? I have no need for your explanations whatsoever. And that's all I have to say at this point. Leave!"

And there they were. The words Hirato expected, but didn't know he feared so much. Why, indeed, he had only just begun to realise. They pierced through his façade like a thousand tiny needles. Of course, he came with the premonition of being sent away again.

Akari had kicked him out countless times in the past, he had barked at him, scolded him, even attacked him. The doctor could scarcely control his fiery and brisk temper, at times. Nonetheless, Hirato had always secretly admired his straightforwardness. Never was there a moment of serious doubt, a moment his heart had felt bruised like this.

Now, he was told to leave once more, …but it was different, it felt different. And he just couldn't move.

"I know… ", he spoke in a soft voice. "I didn't want to give you the feeling I disrespected your wish to be left alone, Akari. It’s just, I'm worried. Have you eaten anything at all, lately?” he managed to say.  _Is there anything I can do for you?_   he thought.

"If this is all, I have news for you! From a physician's point of view, I can assure you that I won't starve myself to death!"

Somewhat defeated, Hirato sank down seating himself on the floor with his back against the door frame. Suppressed feelings gradually pushed to the surface of his crumbling façade and he wasn’t sure if he was in any mind to put them in order, just now.

He leaned the side of his head against the door and pressed his hand flatly on the wooden barrier between them as if he attempted to feel his beloved through the material.

"It's not all… "

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So far, it's from Hirato's point of view, and I'd say, the story mainly focusses on feelings and emotions. I hope it doesn't bore you. Hirato is showing his hidden soft side ^^ I thought it's cute.  
> Next chapter will be written from Akari's view! Please review. I'd be curious to hear what you're thinking.^^


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So far, it's from Hirato's point of view, and I'd say, the story mainly focusses on feelings and emotions. I hope it doesn't bore you. Hirato is showing his hidden soft side ^^ I thought it's cute.  
> This chapter will be written from Akari's view! Please review. I'd be curious to hear what you're thinking about my stuff.^^  
> I'm sorry it takes me so long to write. I hope that Akari doesn't come across too emotional and OC in this chapter. I assumed that this really is one of the things that could break his heart and he has no connection to his feelings for Hirato anymore. Anyway, I'm too exhausted to write more : here is ...

# Chapter 3

Akari had no strength left to react.

 _If it's not all you came for, then why wouldn't you articulate your issues already and leave,_ he wanted to say, but the words were caught in his throat. Not that they’d matter anyway.

The deep mistrust, this person sitting there outside his bedroom had triggered within him, was enough to shake the very foundations of his heart. He felt numb, disconnected from his world, like a bird in a cage. And this feeling just wouldn't go away. It had manifested itself in every fibre of his body.

He turned around in his bed, facing the door. There was a slight change in his regular breathing. But otherwise he felt just nothing. There wasn’t the usual quickening of his pulse or the thrill of anticipation on hearing the other’s voice when he came to visit after his missions late at night.

He couldn't even say how long he had been lying there like this, nor what time it was. He remembered feeling cold all of a sudden and with all heaters turned off – as it was late summer - and no work left for him to do for the day, he thought it to be best just to lay down.

"Hirato… I'm tired", he barely managed to say and it wasn't even a lie.

"I know, it's been tough, … you don't need to answer me anything, and … ", he paused. "And I’ll respect your wish that you don't want to see me."

"Good."  _Why are you telling me this?_  Akari knew his former lover too well as not to suspect that there almost certainly was a selfish request attached to such a gesture.

"And then,… what?" he asked slightly irritated.

"Please, don't send me away." There might have been a hint of despair in the commander's voice which he, however, accomplished to conceal quite well.

"I thought as much."

"…I know it's selfish of me to-."

"It certainly is!" Akari cut him off. "But well then, …", he grumbled, eventually giving in.

He felt helpless. He'd sent Hirato away several times after their break-up. His unparalleled persistence, the doctor used to find rather attractive, was now draining the last resources of his energy.

"Thank you. I appreciate that", Hirato murmured.

Akari could sense the relief in the other man’s voice even though he himself wasn't relieved, at all. On the other hand, as he didn't harbour any major resentment anymore, he didn't really care. Contrary to his usual self, he just felt exceptionally lifeless.

"Akari?"

"Mmmmh."  _Why?_

"It might be too much to ask for…"  _Don't ask_.

"But ... will you let me hear your feelings?" _Why…?_

"Why …?" He fell silent. _Why do you ask me now? It's too late._

Those unexpected words unsettled his mind. He didn't really know what to think or feel. It weren't only the other's infantilising actions that had set off this series of sentiments and put him into such an unacceptable state. He had crushed what Akari treasured above everything else without thinking twice.

"It's over! My feelings are none of your business, anymore, I believe."  _I don't want to feel anything anymore._

"I see… ", Hirato said calmly. “I’m sorry.”

A long silence ensued. Akari had expected him to stand up and finally leave now but didn't hear the respective noises that would suggest so. He was aware that his words had struck a nerve, but still couldn't see any alternatives as he felt mentally trapped.

On finding out that it was the person who was supposed to love him who slyly used his influence at Executive Tower to make him obey by force, he was grievously disappointed and unspeakably furious. Had he really thought, he wouldn’t find out?   

He might not have realised - but it was Hirato's way of understanding and respecting him as a human-being, that had once started a tiny little flame inside of his heart.

When he felt the urge to help the injured or wished to be taken along on a mission, whenever he could guarantee for his safety, Hirato had let him. Research Tower was a place - more built like a stronghold - where he had the ways and means to do the research that enthralled him most, his heartfelt desire, the one that saved lives. Apart from that, he was free to initiate projects to explore areas of personal interest whenever he could attain Circus’ (that is, Hirato’s) assistance, which the latter, despite being a pain in the neck, obediently provided any time he requested it.  

The Brunette wasn’t exactly amused when the doctor rushed out into a battlefield without telling him, even tricking Eva. He accused him of being too oblivious of his surroundings, warning him that they'd be in trouble and he would never be able to go out again if Executive tower ever came to know that he resorted to such recklessness. But they never did.

Despite his teasing, Hirato never tried constricting him in such a way and Akari had slowly started to seriously trust him.

It was as if they silently had agreed on an unvoiced deal.

Whenever there was something to debate, Hirato came to him and to him directly. They often spent long nights in heated discussions, talking, fighting, and fucking as though there was no tomorrow ever coming. They managed to resolve their disputes between themselves in their own way, or so Akari thought.  _Why didn't you come to me this time?_   _Don't you trust me anymore?_

There were times, he felt like he could dare to be free with Hirato. Times when he could forget those invisible bars surrounding him at all times.

Now, he felt like his wings had been cut and his humanity neglected by the one person who should know better, the person who had nurtured this tiny, little flame in his heart until it eventually became a blazing fire.

He tried to suppress his now wandering thoughts…   _it's over! Like I said!_

"Hirato, listen, you of all people should have known…. about my feelings! _And you chose to lie to me instead_. “I don’t know what else to tell you… ” 

No affection was betrayed in his resigned tone. But the subdued glimmer of hope trapped within sadness didn't escape the attentive ears of the person that knew him so well, the person that in fact, did know about his feelings. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It seems Hirato is fighting a losing battle. What can he do? .........


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, I’m very busy right now as I soon will move to another country. I’m going to write on, but I don’t know how quickly I can possibly update. I actually wanted to write this chapter longer but decided to give you an update. At least it’s longer than all the other ones. ^^

# Chapter 4

 

 

Hirato didn’t move an inch. Motionlessly, he starred at the door frame across from him,  the corners of his mouth tightened. His unusual quietness didn’t betray the tension forming in his muscles at the  queer stinging sensation inside.  

 _It’s over_. Words that no matter how often he heard them and no matter how often he forced his mind to accept them, let his heart skip a beat every time. How many times would Akari have to tell him?

Despite everything, he yearned for nothing more than to fight whatever was tormenting the other man’s soul, mitigating his pain and taking all his insecurities away.

This was different. He had allowed his own fears to rule over his heart. And in the end, he did deliberately neglect what he actually was supposed to revere.   

“You’re right. I did this in full awareness of your feelings.“

These words weren’t exactly for his own good, but they were nothing but the truth. Indeed, he knew about his partner’s sentiments quite well, even if the Blonde never ceased to surprise him. Paradoxically, he was normally inclined to commit almost any kind of crime just for the sake of the other man’s happiness and free will. This even involved disregarding instructions coming right from the top. Seeing this gorgeous mind overflow with passion was utterly captivating, after all.  

„I know… it’s unforgivable for you“, he added, and at the same time cursed himself for his inability of being dishonest with this man.

„Let me ask you something…”  Akari began interrupting the other’s gloomy confessions. “Do you by any chance question my intelligence, or regard me as an ignorant fool?” The syllables were clearly stressed with an undertone of aggression, if it wasn’t pure cynicism. The one way or the other, they didn’t fail to have their intended effect. 

“I knew what was going on out there! Did you think to inform me about your brilliant strategies beforehand was just a waste of time? Did you believe you couldn’t talk to me anymore?”

The scientist’s voice displayed some of its former fierceness prompting an unintended smile from Hirato’s lips. He weighed the words he carried deep in his mind carefully and decided to finally offer his beloved the sincerity he wanted so badly, he had had deserved, even if it was much too late in the game.

“I guess, I acted according to my own selfish needs. And also… I might have had no other way to--”  He fell silent for a moment, reconsidering what he was about to say as the unappeasable researcher wouldn’t accept or believe it anyway.

“I wanted to protect you at all costs. So I panicked and got ahead of myself. And also… I  probably didn’t see another way to express my fear … and my anger.”

 “Pffft.” The blonde gave a sarcastic laugh. “Come on, you’re not one to mince matters when it comes to scolding me. I told you I was informed about the situation and.. “

“Then why didn’t you accept the security measures issued before in the first place? This war isn’t a game, you know?” he interrupted him without raising his voice, though a poignant severeness was clearly perceptible nonetheless.

After a few seconds had passed in silence, Hirato proceeded with a calm voice.  

“Look, what I mean is, I can’t protect you always. Though I don’t like to admit it, but there are moments even I’ll fail , there are moments even I am human, dear doctor!”

“And that’s exactly what you denied me to be!”  Akari retorted in an accusing manner, clearly feeling insulted by the teasing undertone in the black-haired devil’s remark.

“You know what? You’re doing it in a way, too, you see?” It was not exactly what the commander wanted to say, but Akari had somehow jarred something loose inside of him, he had sealed away for a long time. 

“Enough now!” The scientist’s patience was wearing thin.

“You robbed me of my personal right to decide for my own, not even wanting to hear my point of view as your partner. Instead, you just ruled it over regardless! And now, on top of that, you dare lecturing me!?” The air was suffused with a dangerous kind of vitriol. He didn’t exactly seem upset or aggressive, but Hirato was certain that behind this bedroom door, a second iron reinforcement had just snapped shut.

“I really don’t want to hear that from you now!” Akari continued as if he was reading the captain’s mind.  “Good night, Hirato.”

He knew without a shadow of doubt that his ex-lover felt betrayed beyond remedy and only gradually started to realise how he was only adding to the damage by his unreasonable actions.  Hard to believe he did something that plotless, to begin with.  

A part of him hated how embarrassingly vulnerable and emotional he became with respect to this disagreeable man wanting to reject all what makes him feel that way. The other part was grateful for being able to reach out to him at least a bit, even if his chosen method probably wasn’t one of the wisest of all approaches.

Still, he felt a strong desire to take care of him, the nature of which was hard to describe. He wanted to comfort him and keep him warm in his arms.  He adored him beyond reason, but apparently wasn’t yet able to convey that.

_It’s not like I don’t want to understand you._

„Good night, Akari-san”, he respectfully responded in a softened voice feeling just helpless and closed his eyes while leaning in closer to the wooden wall between them. 

* * *

 

At the sudden sound of the alarm clock, Akari jump awake with a start. _Is it morning already?_  

He remembered being quite agitated last night due to a certain someone’s annoying presence but somehow fell into a comatose-like sleep very quickly just after hearing the other’s good nights. Was he that used to that villain’s reciprocating words before going to bed that it actually had the effect of tranquilisers lulling him into sleep? _Ridiculous! It must have been 3 am already and I was terribly tired._

He pushed the many covers he was  wrapped into aside and slowly moved towards the door when an unpleasant thought crossed his mind. With a brief look at the clock, he momentarily wondered if his former lover was probably still there and slightly hesitated before turning the key warily.  

When he stepped into the room, however, he found his quarters empty. No one was around, as to be expected. Relieved, he decided to revive his spirits with a cup of coffee next, which was the only thing that kept him from sleeping too often. _How ironic!_ He hadn’t slept so much in years actually, but his body felt constantly weak and feckless nonetheless.     

The coffee machine steamed brewing the finest blend of his selection. Though, much to his dismay, it tasted just like everything else he had imbibed during the last couple of days. He sat down at the kitchen counter resting his chin on his hands when an object which didn’t belong there caught his attention. Said object turned out to be flowers, or rather an arrangement of two single flowers placed neatly in a bud vase. A _n iris and … a camellia_. _What a mismatch..._

He didn’t need to think long to know from whom those flowers might have come. The thought of their presumable donor made him frown. _He gotta be fucking kidding me?_

Though Hirato was admittedly the more romantic type, he rarely sent any flowers, at least not to Akari, as he knew that the researcher couldn’t be impressed by this kind of gesture. Rather was he inclined to send them to foes and prospective “business” partners for the mere purpose of twisting them around his greedy fingers.  Moreover, they were usually sumptuous, exquisite bouquets bursting with hypocrisy other than this plain and simple version.

While there were indeed occasions Akari discovered flowers in his quarters, they were more often than not sexually motivated ones, such as rose petals scattered across the bed sheets and on the floor or official ones like his birthday. To his surprise, they never quite managed to upset the doctor, not even once.  No, he didn’t dislike this semi-romantic side to his ex-lover. Not, at all.    

 

But flowers can’t mend what’s broken, after all. _What a ridiculous and cheap method –_

_..and all the more unnecessary._

Right this moment, he gave a jerk when his mobile lit up with a sound. He fetched his phone from the kitchen table to read the new text message, his eyes instantly narrowed, his facial expression reflecting a wave of anger.   

 

“Will you let me come again? – Hirato.”  

 

 _So much for, you’d accept that I don’t want to see you, huh?_ He wanted to throw his mobile into the next corner on impulse but managed to control his temper once more. _I’m tired of it_.. _soo tired.._. Akari buried his head in his arms with a heavy sigh.

After a few minutes had passed in absolute silence, he lay his cheek on the smooth, cold surface of the counter, gazing at his phone disgustedly. _It was a question, .. right?_ Feeling somehow discontented, he reached for the mocking device, sat up and began typing an answer eventually. 

 “Well, … just don’t pop in here, like you always do. – Akari.“  _And don’t mention the flowers!_   

“I’m going to give you a call later. – Hirato.”

“Good.” _Whatever._  Akari was just about to put his phone back in his pocket when another message followed subsequently.

“By the way, don’t feel so  offended by the flowers I brought to you this morning. I’m aware, you’re not prone to be flattered by such a cheap gift.  Anyway, they weren’t meant for persuasion, but appeared as a fitting image of my state of mind. - Hirato”

Akari had to swallow. This inveterate, scheming bastard knew him better than anyone, after all. _Damn him! I don’t give a shit about his state of mind, right now._   He huffed and finally took a few too fast sips from his meanwhile cold coffee, knowing he was just kidding himself.  

Once again, he eyed his unwanted present suspiciously and he caught himself with his thoughts wandering, his mind occupied with something he’s already seen or heard before.  Iris, goddess of the rainbow, with a multitude of possible meanings. From what he remembered they stood for faith, courage, admiration, and were also referred to as messengers of hope. _All nonsense_ , not that he was particularly into flower interpretation. But he once read a book about ancient mythology wherein the symbology of plants was discussed and compared with their modern meaning and usage in naturopathy. Actually it was a present from Tokitatsu and he became a little interested once he’d started reading it.

Before long, he found himself searching eagerly through the bookshelves, taking out the afore mentioned book  to look up the meaning of his second flower gift. There was nothing else he had to do anyway.

“The main meaning of pink camellia is a strong feeling of longing. It also expresses the everlasting union between lovers who are currently separated from each other or ….whose hearts are beyond reach.“

He looked up from the book, took off the reading glasses and pressed its side gently against his lips as was his wont when preoccupied in thoughts.  

 _His feelings… huh?_   _I see…_ He snapped the book shut with a snort.

Looked at closely, they truly were a work of art in themselves. Not boring at all. The iris was coloured a rich blue, almost dark-violet with fine white veins spreading across its immaculate petals, whereas the camellia had a soft pink shade and was beautiful in its simplicity and symmetry. Although he tried to shut away all sentiments that were contra-productive, he couldn’t deny that this gesture had touched him in a way, even though, he was practically immune to the 2nd ship’s captain’s fake flattery. _I don’t like it._ _I don’t dislike either._

_How unpleasant!_


End file.
